I’ve been going through a lot of changes since last year July, and the first thing I’ve learned is that sometimes, God has a different schedule for your life and projects and the only thing you have to do is surrender.
I’ve been trying for months to get back on track with my spiritual life, and basically my routine and was telling myself « I need to pray like before, fast like before, experience stuffs like before, do what I used to do before… » but whenever I was telling myself those things, I was clearly hearing the Holy Spirit telling me that during this season of my life where everything is shifting, where I am out of my comfort zone, it is not about doing things like before but about doing what I haven’t done.
It’s not always about refreshment but mostly about renewing. It’s about a new anointing, and a new assignment. And to get something new, you must do something you’ve never done.
It took me a while to understand that because I was fighting to get back to what I was used to while God was calling me to what He was preparing me to.
I was blinded by stubbornness and didn’t surrender fully, which made the « crushing » process that I had to go through harder than it should have because I wasn’t relying fully on the Holy Spirit. But I don’t really like the « crushed » term tho… I was and am being built by God, and like any constructions, He has to break, remplace, transform, modify, throw away unnecessary things to make it stand and look good.
This process is painful, and has lead me to a lot of down moments during the past few months, and being a sensitive person didn’t make it easy at all. However, in every down moments I went through, God made me understand one thing, and one thing only: that I had to depend on the Holy Spirit alone.
God is so good and so patient, and during this whole process, when I was feeling down and unworthy, He reminded me using His many different ways of how much he loves me.
Whatever situations I’ve been going through during the past few months made me understand the sentence I said right above, that I had and still have to depend on the Holy Spirit alone… people will always fail you, even when you least expect it, they will. That’s a fact. That’s how we, as humans, are.
We always fail. We always hurt. But I know someone, who never fails and never hurt, but loves even when we don’t deserve it. Jesus Christ is here, but still we don’t want to go to Him to get the amount of love we need. Instead, we go to humans, expecting them to help us with what we other humans are struggling with.
When I was experiencing those different stages of anger, sadness, denial, and low self esteem, God was the only one seeing all of this and was the only one that had the power to heal whatever bruised my soul and heart.
People usually stop when they see a smile on your face and conclude that you are doing well. They see what you want to show them. That’s why God is the only helper. He’s the one who knows exactly how you can feel without having to give any explanation.
At the end of a step to the beginning of another, I know for sure that Jesus-Christ never fails. He’s faithful. He loves me, and he loves you. God did his part during this whole process, and right now, I must do mine. I must persevere in prayer, and be patient in affliction. Now the ball is in my hands and I need to follow his directions to where He is leading me without asking any questions.
God put in my spirit the need to write this to anyone who is like me in this very moment. You are experiencing different changes in your life and feel like you are losing control over everything around you. You feel less worthy than what you were before and want to go back in the past. Instead of trusting God with you future, you want to trust yourself by running into your past.
I am talking to you right now, and want to let you know that at this moment, it’s not about you anymore. It is about God. You feel like everything is out of control because you’ve been trying to take God’s place in your life. God is calling you to surrender. God is calling you to let Him be God in your life. You have to let go and follow His flow. He cannot lead you where He hasn’t been first. He is leading you where you are supposed to be, and this is not in your past.
You may feel alone because you think that besides you, no one knows your pain, or whatever you are struggling with, but let me remind you that He knows. He knows everything without even having to tell Him. He knows whatever you can’t put words on to explain to your best friends or parents, because He was there before them. And will be after. When no one is there, He is the only one who will remain.
God loves you that much and will never stop being patient with you. But right now, it’s time to let go. Even if you are not really sure of how you’re going to do it, just follow His flow. You don’t know how you’re going to get back on track spiritually? Just follow His flow. You don’t know how you’re going to have the grades you know you’re supposed to? Just follow His flow. You just don’t know? Just. Follow. His. Flow. And everything will be alright.
I love you, but God loves you more.
You were born to shine.